Sunday, September 12, 2004

My Dinner With Belle: Part 2

Session Start (AIM - boz48730:aSortaPrincess): Sun Sep 12 02:15:59 2004
aSortaPrincess: jessica simpson is on the proactiv infomercial
aSortaPrincess: and so is vanessa williams
aSortaPrincess: and i think i just saw emmanuel lewis
boz48730: what is proactiv?
aSortaPrincess: geez boz
boz48730: in the apartment complex?
boz48730: what geez?
aSortaPrincess: in my living room, watching the infomercial
aSortaPrincess: he called me ma'am
aSortaPrincess: it's that acne medication or something
boz48730: oh, i thought it was that male penile enhacement thing
aSortaPrincess: claudia swiffer too
boz48730: I have no idea who she is
boz48730: did she invent the swiffer cleaning system?
aSortaPrincess: No, you're thinking of florence henderson
boz48730: I'm ALWAYS thinking of florence henderson!!!
boz48730: I mean who could I not?
boz48730: how not who
aSortaPrincess: she is on the proactiv infomercial too
aSortaPrincess: said she used to have major acne
boz48730: that was my commanding officer Major Rance Acne
aSortaPrincess: but for 39.95 a month and some good sex from greg brady it all went away
boz48730: love his 'fro
aSortaPrincess: I would change my name
boz48730: to what?
aSortaPrincess: Judith LIght
boz48730: is she still the boss?
aSortaPrincess: i wonder why tony danza isn't on the infomercial, they must have had a fallilng out
boz48730: tony danza is so lucky that every character he has ever played has been named tony
aSortaPrincess: coincidence?
aSortaPrincess: I think not
boz48730: divine intervention?
aSortaPrincess: judith light intervention
boz48730: I have an australian movie on starring rachel griffiths and guy pearce
boz48730: she is such a slut
aSortaPrincess: welcome to woop woop?
boz48730: no, the hard word
boz48730: that was on yesterday, woop woop
aSortaPrincess: I know, saw that
aSortaPrincess: it's on all the time
boz48730: the classics should always be on
boz48730: I'm getting might sick of an american wedding
aSortaPrincess: you should just change the channel and watch the proactiv infomercial, it's much more entertaining
boz48730: what channel?
boz48730: because I am all over judith light
aSortaPrincess: FX
aSortaPrincess: Judith Light just gave a shot out to you!
boz48730: got it, hey I've only got six minutes to order
aSortaPrincess: hurry up then
boz48730: is that the vanessa williams who got her miss america crown stripped because she stripped?
aSortaPrincess: yep
aSortaPrincess: this is like a low budget porno/informercial
boz48730: how can she show her face after such a fiasco?
aSortaPrincess: you missed jessica simpson washing her face in slow mo
boz48730: is that oj's daughter?
aSortaPrincess: hahahaha
aSortaPrincess: could be
boz48730: the one that hates him and wants to kill him
aSortaPrincess: I think that is nicole
aSortaPrincess: oh wait, no that was his wife
boz48730: what was her name?
boz48730: guthny ranker?
aSortaPrincess: hahaha
aSortaPrincess: oh god nooooooooooooo
aSortaPrincess: celine dion
boz48730: where?
aSortaPrincess: wow, this is too weird, look at this
boz48730: is she emmanuel's date?
aSortaPrincess: BJ/MJ says:
i like Boz's blog too
boz48730: huh?
boz48730: who is bj/mj?
aSortaPrincess: that is weird, a friend of mine, she just threw that in there randomly
aSortaPrincess: Celine Dion and emmanuel lewis are fighting
boz48730: like danny bonaduce and greg brady did on fox?
boz48730: I want a derma peel
aSortaPrincess: the truth is I invented derma peel
aSortaPrincess: ewww
boz48730: she is the most beautiful woman in america, for sure
aSortaPrincess: she is scary
boz48730: I know
aSortaPrincess: why is she so tan
boz48730: her face is hideous!
aSortaPrincess: i want to hide from her
aSortaPrincess: how is that guy talking to her
boz48730: I want to give her a clue
boz48730: he is a world famous plastic surgeon
aSortaPrincess: why doesnt' he help her
aSortaPrincess: or himself
boz48730: I think she's had a bit too much plastic surgery
boz48730: she has two caterpillars for eyebrows
aSortaPrincess: I'm not sure she's had enough
aSortaPrincess: I saw that nip/tuck show for the first time the other night and the plastic surgeon was having sex with a doll
boz48730: they need an informercial for getting rid of rashes, i think I have one
boz48730: is that the fx show?
boz48730: hey, they stole that from me!
boz48730: I do like her dress though, it looks like my mothers kitchen curtain
aSortaPrincess: hahahaha
aSortaPrincess: i am getting a rash from watching her
aSortaPrincess: that actual patient is frightening
boz48730: phone!!!
boz48730: my mother just called, her kitchen curtain is missing
aSortaPrincess: hahahahaha
aSortaPrincess: maybe mother boz would like a derma peel
boz48730: she does get her stache waxed at the beauty parlor
aSortaPrincess: by the criminal?
aSortaPrincess: the guy she wants to set you up with?
boz48730: that woman was wearing lip gloss to bed
boz48730: the criminals mother
boz48730: she doesn't want to sit me up with a guy!
aSortaPrincess: are you sure?
aSortaPrincess: that's not what i heard
boz48730: I dunno, has she told you anything?
boz48730: hey, dammit, that was a one time thing, and I was drunk
aSortaPrincess: she said she wants to find you a felix
boz48730: that doctor looks kind of cute
aSortaPrincess: russell kanner?
boz48730: he looks like his makeup was done at a funeral parlor
aSortaPrincess: hahahahahaha
aSortaPrincess: by judith light
boz48730: seriously
aSortaPrincess: a drunk judith light
boz48730: I loved her retrospective on Lifetime the channel for women
aSortaPrincess: no wonder mother boz wants to set you up with a criminal
aSortaPrincess: that lady's last name was stranger
boz48730: yeah, I saw that
boz48730: the woman in the kitchen curtain is starting to look more attractive the later it gets
aSortaPrincess: she's even starting to look attractive to me
aSortaPrincess: i think it's sublimal something
boz48730: I wonder if she wears her miss usa sash and crown to bed?
boz48730: I know I would
aSortaPrincess: i would wear mine everywhere
aSortaPrincess: high heels too
boz48730: all of a sudden I have a need for a sash
aSortaPrincess: i bet they sell them at dollar general
boz48730: I'd wear flats
boz48730: I'll check tomorrow
boz48730: why are they wearing the green things on their eyes?
aSortaPrincess: duh
aSortaPrincess: they are aliens
aSortaPrincess: plus if you get derma peel in your eyes you DIE
boz48730: now she is cute
boz48730: but I could never love a woman with a derm and peel
aSortaPrincess: boz, that's just not right
boz48730: the love thing?
aSortaPrincess: prejudice rears it's ugly head
aSortaPrincess: that you can't love a woman with a derma peel
aSortaPrincess: we should order this stuff and take before and after photos and do our own infomercial
boz48730: that has put a kibosh on many budding relationships for me
aSortaPrincess: of course when i say we i mean you
boz48730: sure, I'm game
aSortaPrincess: I can see how it might interfere
boz48730: and when i say sure I'm game
boz48730: that means no
aSortaPrincess: i wonder if it makes you make those faces in the mirror
boz48730: is it just me, but do those before and after women look like lady wrestlers?
aSortaPrincess: i think that is their target audience
aSortaPrincess: derma peel is the poor lady wrestler's pro activ
aSortaPrincess: which makes the former miss usa the poor man's judith light
boz48730: I guess women with skin problems stay up all night
aSortaPrincess: watching tv for a glimmer of hope
boz48730: and voile!!!
boz48730: the skinfomercial
boz48730: can I patent that word?
aSortaPrincess: think again!
aSortaPrincess: sure, i say yes
boz48730: I could make millions!
aSortaPrincess: why don't we just go gather some rocks and wash our face with them
boz48730: so does Judith Light have an agent?
boz48730: hey Judith, two words ... pro activ!!!
boz48730: did you see where madmathias had chatwars aka dinner with boz as a link of the day
boz48730: you knpw kitty litter would probably work just as good as derma peel
aSortaPrincess: they do have the crystal kind
aSortaPrincess: no i didn't catch that on mad's blog
aSortaPrincess: celine!!!
boz48730: I see
aSortaPrincess: that nip/tuck show is too much for me
boz48730: I don't think I want to watch that
boz48730: jack lalanne!!!
boz48730: he was fucking ancient when I was a kid!
aSortaPrincess: oh man
aSortaPrincess: look what's kept him alive
boz48730: celebrity host?
aSortaPrincess: is that ted koppel
boz48730: I used to watch his show at 9 in the morning during summer vacation
aSortaPrincess: oh it's a woman
boz48730: who is holding who up?
aSortaPrincess: when did ted koppel get a sex change?
boz48730: joyce behar!
aSortaPrincess: hahahaha
boz48730: see
aSortaPrincess: who names their kid Ryker
aSortaPrincess: wow, they are enjoying this way too much
boz48730: joyce behar would
aSortaPrincess: why does he keep checking his watch
boz48730: too many phallic vegetables are going into the juicer
aSortaPrincess: if he doesn't take the blue pill in time he will resort back into natural form
boz48730: he's checking his pulse
aSortaPrincess: i think that is paige
aSortaPrincess: not joy
aSortaPrincess: and who is the ted koppel lady
boz48730: now that looks tasty
aSortaPrincess: mmmm
aSortaPrincess: you have to buy this
aSortaPrincess: so you can live forever like him
boz48730: I know!!!
boz48730: I like jack's little dickie
aSortaPrincess: i think ted koppel just grabbed jack's ass
aSortaPrincess: hahahaha
boz48730: ted has a rack on her
aSortaPrincess: too bad it's hanging down to her feet
boz48730: of course they are hanging to her knees
boz48730: hahaha
aSortaPrincess: too much juice will do that to you
boz48730: uhhuh
aSortaPrincess: that's blood
aSortaPrincess: the truth is out, jack is a vampire
boz48730: hey, joy just slipped one of the carrots under the table
aSortaPrincess: if they start putting raw meat in the juicer i'm out of here
aSortaPrincess: hahahaha
aSortaPrincess: maybe she'll stay there
boz48730: meat juice!!!
aSortaPrincess: i used to eat raw meat when i was little
boz48730: wait, this is a commercial???
aSortaPrincess: by the handfull
boz48730: I thought it was Nightline!
aSortaPrincess: no, but it is Commercial Quality
aSortaPrincess: hahahahaha
aSortaPrincess: did you see them trying to cram the apple in
boz48730: I hate when they juice a cucumber it makes me feel all inadequate
aSortaPrincess: wait till they start juicing jack lalaine
aSortaPrincess: why are they juicing muffins and pasta?
boz48730: and his little white dickie
aSortaPrincess: i thinking i should order this for entertaining
boz48730: your cats would love it
aSortaPrincess: apparently it holds the secret key to eternal life and happiness
boz48730: for when you and peabo entertain emmanual and celine?
aSortaPrincess: hell yeah
aSortaPrincess: they are quite difficult guests
boz48730: i can imagine
aSortaPrincess: diet lime coke is not good enough for them
boz48730: oh?
aSortaPrincess: but a juiced bowl of spaghetti and a blueberry muffin would be just the thing!
boz48730: that would be a real colon buster
boz48730: barbara is a magician?
aSortaPrincess: no different than those coffee enemas celine does
aSortaPrincess: who is barbara?
boz48730: one of the women who bought a juicer
boz48730: I think the juicer is hypnotizing jack
aSortaPrincess: juicing it up in NH!
aSortaPrincess: i think jack is a hologram
boz48730: go to his website
boz48730: jackpowerjuicer.com
aSortaPrincess: it probably has spyware
boz48730: now watch jack go into a trance the next time they juice
aSortaPrincess: i can't, it's putting me in a trance too
aSortaPrincess: oh man i love when they try to fit the apple in
aSortaPrincess: wow, that cucumber was HUGE
boz48730: you'd have to be a fool to buy one of those other juicers
boz48730: oh great, cucumber envy
aSortaPrincess: plus it's whisper quiet
aSortaPrincess: so you can use it in your bed when your roommate/mother is sleeping
aSortaPrincess: and not worry about them waking up
aSortaPrincess: oh wait, what am i talking about
boz48730: no wonder joy is smiling!
aSortaPrincess: she is juicing it up!
aSortaPrincess: notice the lifetime motor warranty
aSortaPrincess: it's all about the motor
boz48730: yeah, never skimp on the motor
aSortaPrincess: if you buy a juicer you automatically start liking walks on the beach
boz48730: anything to get away from the juicer
boz48730: the machines ARE taking over the world
boz48730: ted is drooling
aSortaPrincess: ted needs to talk to the world famous plastic surgeon
boz48730: and joy is having too much fun
aSortaPrincess: that's alcohol
aSortaPrincess: they're all drunk
boz48730: Jack's Depends look a little bulky
boz48730: I guess the juice just goes right thru you
aSortaPrincess: i think jack got a little too close to the surgical steel blade
boz48730: damn that cucumber is huge!!!
boz48730: clean-up is never a snap
aSortaPrincess: it is when you have jack lalanne's depends
boz48730: hahaha
aSortaPrincess: i think i'll get 2
aSortaPrincess: and keep one by the bed
boz48730: one for the kitchen and one for the bedroom
aSortaPrincess: that woman with the saggy breasts is all over jack
boz48730: now that's the jack I used to watch as a kid
aSortaPrincess: i can't even spell phenonemonoanfoidnioanfa
boz48730: neither can celine dion
aSortaPrincess: hahaha
boz48730: britney!!!
aSortaPrincess: i'll never telllllllll
aSortaPrincess: and michael douglas!
boz48730: quick hide the chicken!
boz48730: that woman is wearing pantyhose's to bed
boz48730: no wonder she can't sleep
aSortaPrincess: i do that
aSortaPrincess: dance on my bed with a glass of wine
boz48730: you were just doing it, weren't you
aSortaPrincess: no, i was trying to explain who peabo was
aSortaPrincess: i wouldnt' want a foam bed
boz48730: to who ... peabo?
aSortaPrincess: yes
aSortaPrincess: i said listen, peabo
aSortaPrincess: you are going to kill someone for me
aSortaPrincess: that is your only purpose
aSortaPrincess: it's the least he can do since he infected me
boz48730: oh, I get it, you're c&ping all my comments for your "friend"
aSortaPrincess: no
boz48730: bah!
aSortaPrincess: she was just reading the zonk
boz48730: oh
aSortaPrincess: so asked who peabo was
boz48730: she should change her name to peabo
aSortaPrincess: what are you, a sheep?
aSortaPrincess: bah?
aSortaPrincess: i should get into informercials
aSortaPrincess: what the hell are they doing with that egg
boz48730: you'd have to touch jack lalanne though
aSortaPrincess: he's already touched if you ask me
aSortaPrincess: in the head
boz48730: those bed people scare me
aSortaPrincess: Bed People
boz48730: look it's tyne daly
aSortaPrincess: they're the new villians
aSortaPrincess: oh man!
aSortaPrincess: Tyne, i thought you had a gig on judging amy
aSortaPrincess: i wonder if her other half will be on
aSortaPrincess: cagney? lacey?
aSortaPrincess: tj hooker?
aSortaPrincess: one of those
boz48730: what's next Sharon Gless for ???
boz48730: now there is someone who didn't age well, sharon gless
aSortaPrincess: look how they have the minorities in there
boz48730: nice fro
aSortaPrincess: hahaha
aSortaPrincess: this is a politically correct infomercial
aSortaPrincess: not like that juidth light crap
boz48730: she stole michael jackson's geri gurl
boz48730: curl
aSortaPrincess: is that neve campbell
boz48730: what's with all this malice towards judith light?
aSortaPrincess: she kills puppies
aSortaPrincess: for pro activ
boz48730: she wouldn't let danny pintauro take you to the prom, right
aSortaPrincess: no, i never liked him
boz48730: and it made you bitter and him gay
aSortaPrincess: i liked sam much more than him
aSortaPrincess: oh my god, it made ME gay
boz48730: I liked her preppie years the best
aSortaPrincess: it looks so dirty when that woman squeezes the coils
boz48730: it is dirty
aSortaPrincess: one of these days you're going to see me on there
aSortaPrincess: with my monkey mask and all
aSortaPrincess: dancing on the bed
boz48730: with the monkey mask and the tiara and wand?
boz48730: ha
aSortaPrincess: i bet it pays well
aSortaPrincess: why else would tyne daly do it
aSortaPrincess: it's a space bed
boz48730: she just wants to keep her foot in the business
aSortaPrincess: you can take it to space with you
boz48730: I want that free video!!!!
aSortaPrincess: order it
aSortaPrincess: i won't tell anyone
aSortaPrincess: except judith light
boz48730: I just want the video, I have a fetish for women who sleep in pantyhose
aSortaPrincess: where is jack lalanne when i need him
aSortaPrincess: i'm surprised emilio estevez isnt' trying to sell this
boz48730: I think ted is changing him
aSortaPrincess: hahaha
boz48730: hey, I have to go to bed!
boz48730: really
boz48730: honest
boz48730: I'm going to move to texas
boz48730: or alaska
boz48730: or colorado
boz48730: FINE!!!
aSortaPrincess: sorry i was distracted by that guy who was on dateline
aSortaPrincess: OK FINE
aSortaPrincess: go to alaska
boz48730: he looked like your type
aSortaPrincess: yeah, he had that bad touch mustache
boz48730: is that a cucumber in your pocket or are you just glad to see jack lalanne
aSortaPrincess: hahahaha
aSortaPrincess: sharon osbourne!
aSortaPrincess: ok go to bed
aSortaPrincess: i'll let you know how it ends
boz48730: I am
boz48730: ok
aSortaPrincess: goodnight!
boz48730: sure, I have to post this first, for mad
aSortaPrincess: what??
boz48730: goodnight
boz48730: I have to post this on chatwars for madmathias
boz48730: he has faith in us
aSortaPrincess: wow
aSortaPrincess: someone should
aSortaPrincess: i think i just saw madmathias on this informercial though
aSortaPrincess: he was the guy in bed with the girl dancing on the bed
boz48730: the cat can get on the bed!!!
boz48730: yeah, that was him
aSortaPrincess: sometimes my cat gets stuck inside the bed
boz48730: he's looking for the chicken
aSortaPrincess: i know, but it hasn't been there for days!Q
boz48730: it's 4am I'm going to bed dammit!!!
boz48730: !Q???
aSortaPrincess: well FINE
aSortaPrincess: !Q is codeword
boz48730: ah
boz48730: ok
aSortaPrincess: i just don't know what for yet
boz48730: !Q=bed
aSortaPrincess: go feel your coils
boz48730: I have to get an egg first
boz48730: GOODNIGHT
aSortaPrincess: they just showed milions of children slaving away making that bed
boz48730: don't care
aSortaPrincess: in minnie driverss camp1boz48730: bed
aSortaPrincess: GOODNIGHT
boz48730: night
Session Close (aSortaPrincess): Sun Sep 12 03:52:43 2004


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