Wednesday, December 29, 2004

My dinner with Tootie

Belle says:
yes?
Belle says:
fine what?
boz says:
you deserted me in my hour of need again
Belle says:
oh no, did you break out the razor blades again and start cutting?
boz says:
ooh, good touch,
boz says:
oh, yeah, I have a question for you
Belle says:
no
Belle says:
i'm not a hermaphrodite
Belle says:
and i already have a prom date
boz says:
those were questions number 9 and 10
Belle says:
ok then shoot
boz says:
did you buy the spy cam or punk out?
Belle says:
they didn't have it actually
Belle says:
so i guess i punked out
boz says:
what did you get instead?
Belle says:
they had like nothing, damn those walmart folks!
Belle says:
umm
Belle says:
i'm trying to remember
Belle says:
oh
boz says:
a cheese wheel?
Belle says:
walkie talkies
Belle says:
and a walmart gift card for the other swap gift
boz says:
twoswap gifts?
Belle says:
yeah, kind of crazy
Belle says:
i wanted the walkie talkies myself, but my aunt stole them from me in the swap
boz says:
I think you should have demanded that they search the warehouse for the spycam
boz says:
who would be the walkie while you were the talkie?
Belle says:
my neighbor maybe hahahaha
boz says:
did you father like the lamp?
Belle says:
or i would have strapped one to emilio and one to charlie
Belle says:
either way, it would have been fun, but noooo, do you know what i got, a crappy blanket, and a crappy pine cone thing
Belle says:
oh yeah, i'm his favorite daughter now he said
Belle says:
he was soo cute, too, he made us turn off all the lights so he could see it
boz says:
is that counting his illegitimate daughters?
Belle says:
which is just what the guy does in the movie!
Belle says:
yes, even the german one
Belle says:
who could be sandra
boz says:
you just want to be related to Jonnie
Belle says:
oh yeah, i've been wishing that since birth
Belle says:
one of my brothers is named Johnny
boz says:
they should have named all your brothers Johnny
Belle says:
they should
boz says:
my niece named her three sons Darian
Belle says:
hahahaha
Belle says:
i'm going to do that
Belle says:
with the three chinese babies i adopt
boz says:
how come they only do that to boys, how come no one ever names all their daughters the same name
Belle says:
levar jr, levar II, levar III
Belle says:
they do!!!
Belle says:
i know a girl named kat who is really named katherine whose mother is named katherine
Belle says:
i thought it was weird, but maybe it's a canada thing
boz says:
no, I meant all their daughters, not daughter named after their mother, that's normal, my eldest sister is named after my mother.
Belle says:
that isn't normal
Belle says:
why? i don't get it
boz says:
they have different middle names though
Belle says:
i don't
Belle says:
get
Belle says:
it
boz says:
it doesn't matter it was a rhetorical question anyway
Belle says:
FINE
Belle says:
be that way
Belle says:
put mother boz on
Belle says:
i'll ask her
boz says:
which mother boz, my sister or my mother?
Belle says:
hahahaha
Belle says:
exactly
Belle says:
put them both on
Belle says:
i bet you were confused as a child
boz says:
I would but there is the little matter of the restraining order
boz says:
funny you should mention my confusion as a child ...
boz says:
I used to call my sister "little mommy"
boz says:
she's nine years older than me
Belle says:
one of my brothers is nine years older than me and i called him little hitler, not little daddy
boz says:
is his real name elvis costello?
Belle says:
no
boz says:
little hitler= song by elvis costello
Belle says:
you don't say!
Belle says:
did mother boz sr. like her udder cream?
boz says:
guess what belle, when you go to sleep at night your pine cone thing comes to life
Belle says:
noooooooooooo
Belle says:
damn that pine cone thing
Belle says:
it plugs in
boz says:
yeah, she did like the moo cream
Belle says:
what kind of pine cone thing plugs in
Belle says:
and who gives this crap as a swap gift
boz says:
pine cone thing reeks of homemade gift
Belle says:
oh it definitely was
Belle says:
$25, sure!!!
Belle says:
next year i'm making all my gifts
boz says:
out of hair balls
Belle says:
and pine cones!
boz says:
and glitter!!!!
Belle says:
how did you know glitter was involved??
Belle says:
even emilio and charlie are disturbed by the pine cone thing
Belle says:
they keep knocking it over
boz says:
isn't it always?
Belle says:
and glitter is all over my carpet
boz says:
you'll vacuuming glitter till june
boz says:
thiat is if you vacuum before june
Belle says:
highly unlikely
Belle says:
which will make june fun!
boz says:
put it in the bathroom on top of the toilet
Belle says:
no!
Belle says:
that's where they had one at my brother's house
Belle says:
and i was like wtf is that pine cone thing
Belle says:
then next thing i know i'm getting one of my very own!
boz says:
who was the one who gave the pine cone thing?
Belle says:
my brother's fiance
Belle says:
bitch!
boz says:
typical
Belle says:
once i had that of course no one wanted to trade with me
boz says:
how did this trading thing work?
Belle says:
well you pick a number
Belle says:
and then every person after the first person can choose to swap with someone who went before them if they want
Belle says:
and then at the end the first person gets the pick of the litter
boz says:
sounds kind of complicated. do they know what the gift is before they swap?
Belle says:
and then we light the last person on fire and pray
Belle says:
yes, you get to open the gifts
boz says:
and then swap?
Belle says:
yes, if you want something that someone who went before you had
boz says:
was this your brother's fiance's idea?
Belle says:
hahaha, no, sadly, we've done this for ever
Belle says:
but i'm going to suggest we stop now that she's participating
boz says:
your brother is going to expect her to make all the xmas gifts next year
boz says:
and I bet she got really good things
Belle says:
hmm, i can't remember
Belle says:
i've tried to block the whole thing out
Belle says:
but really, what wouldn't have been better than that pine cone thing
boz says:
a xmas craft thing made out of toilet paper rolls
Belle says:
one funny thing was
Belle says:
the walmart gift card i got i put inside a stuffed puppet
Belle says:
and my weird uncle dick (not the one that gives me the bad touch though) thought the puppet was the gift and was like 'oh that's nice, i'll keep this one'
Belle says:
hahahaha
boz says:
I wonder what he'll get with the gift card?
Belle says:
another puppet
Belle says:
all he wanted was the puppet
boz says:
you should have slid the card out while no one was looking
Belle says:
i should have, and said i made the puppet
Belle says:
i think i will light the pine cone thing on fire and use it to burn down my house, then won't my brother's fiance feel bad
boz says:
and the finance would have said, do you have the plans for that?
boz says:
i got a walmart gift card for xmas too
Belle says:
yes, i saw that
Belle says:
i didn't
Belle says:
what are you going to buy?
Belle says:
i did get a credit card though
boz says:
t shirts probably
boz says:
credit or debit?
Belle says:
you should buy glitter and construction paper
Belle says:
credit
boz says:
wow, any limit?
Belle says:
no limit!~
boz says:
and pipe cleaners and a hot glue gun
Belle says:
no, never mind, i wont' tell any camp stories
boz says:
you have a story about a hot glue gun?
Belle says:
my step mother has a hot glue gun
Belle says:
no
Belle says:
pipe cleaners
boz says:
I think you told me a camp story before
Belle says:
did it involve armed guards and wil wheaton?
boz says:
yes, and pipe cleaners
boz says:
oh man, I bought the best tasting tums yesterday!
Belle says:
which ones?
Belle says:
were they smooth dissolve
boz says:
they are a store brand and they are berry flavored
Belle says:
what colors
boz says:
dark colors
Belle says:
i've never had berry, i bet it's good
boz says:
you can almost get high by opening the bottle and sniffing
Belle says:
woooo hooo
Belle says:
so imagine what happens when you crush them up and put them on a spoon and burn it
boz says:
they taste more like candy than antacids
Belle says:
nice! i'm gonna look for some
boz says:
assorted berries
boz says:
I got these from the dollar general, but I'm sure they copied it from Tums
Belle says:
most likely
Belle says:
all the cool kids copy Tums
boz says:
96 for $2.00
boz says:
I used to be addicted to Rolaids
Belle says:
i've never had rolaids
Belle says:
do they really spell relief
boz says:
no
Belle says:
did you know joy behar hosts who wants to be a millionaire??
boz says:
I thought it was the other one
Belle says:
oh, well whatever
Belle says:
one of them, they're all obnoxious
boz says:
meredith vierra
Belle says:
yeah, yeah, her
Belle says:
i didn't know that
boz says:
yeah, the syndicated version
Belle says:
i saw it the other day and this guy's first question was
boz says:
I've never watched either her or regis
Belle says:
"complete the language rule helper 'i before E except after blank'
Belle says:
and the guy
Belle says:
had to ask the audience
boz says:
after lunch
boz says:
???
Belle says:
i mean, come on!!!
boz says:
did meredith know the answer?
Belle says:
yes, she is fed the answers with a spoon
Belle says:
by regil philbin
boz says:
and a needle?
Belle says:
i would have puked if the audience got it wrong
Belle says:
but luckily 95% knew it
boz says:
in your hands?
Belle says:
yes, absolutely, because i was sitting on my bed
boz says:
the 5% who didn't know it were probably related to the contestabt
Belle says:
hahahaha
Belle says:
seriously, that disturbed me
Belle says:
i didn't dare watch it any longer because that was the EASY question and he got it wrong
Belle says:
i want to find out his name and address and taunt him
boz says:
what were the four choices?
Belle says:
they were all letters, c, d, a, o or something
Belle says:
well not c
Belle says:
i dont' remember!
Belle says:
yes c
Belle says:
hahaha
boz says:
call a friend and find out
Belle says:
i'm losing my mind
Belle says:
i blame you
boz says:
sure, why not, I have broad shoulders
Belle says:
the next question was probably who is the president of the united states and he had to call a friend
Belle says:
he doesn't have any friends!
boz says:
hey, you know what?
Belle says:
no
boz says:
when we get about 50 more "dinners with boz" we are going to make it into a book
Belle says:
a book no one will buy?
boz says:
we'll buy it
boz says:
I'm serious, you can do this on Cafe Press
Belle says:
the proceeds will go to dumb game show contestants
boz says:
some guy with a blog did a book on how to blog and people are buying it by the tens
Belle says:
no way
Belle says:
how to blog?
Belle says:
by wil wheaton?
boz says:
yeah, have you heard of tony pierce?
Belle says:
oh god, really?
boz says:
yeah
Belle says:
interesting
boz says:
malone wants everyone to buy it
Belle says:
really??
boz says:
yeah, and it's just old blog posts
Belle says:
oh it is?
Belle says:
then how is it "how to blog"?
boz says:
ummm, because he is the master of blogging, I guess
boz says:
do what he does
boz says:
but seriously, by the time we get 50 more dinner with boz's we will be so famous they will be lining up to buy our book
boz says:
we can have lavar levar burton write the introduction
Belle says:
Hmmph
boz says:
http://www.cafepress.com/cp/info/sell/books.aspx
Belle says:
i don't have tony pierce's fan base
boz says:
yeah, but we are slowly building up our fan base
Belle says:
hahahaha
boz says:
it's at two right now
Belle says:
stop, it hurts when i laugh
Belle says:
maybe if i could get my phone sex customers to buy it, that must be what tony pierce is doing
Belle says:
and you could have it go on sale at dollar general
boz says:
ask him the next time he calls for a quickie
Belle says:
like packaged with a bottle of fake tums
Belle says:
buy fake tums get this book FREE!!!
Belle says:
i have a reputation to uphold
boz says:
yeah, after your dinner with boz you'll really need fake tums
Belle says:
hahahaha
boz says:
I won't be able to sleep tonight going over all the possibilities
Belle says:
possibilities??
Belle says:
like a movie deal??!!!
boz says:
marketing, yeah movie deal!!!
Belle says:
nancy mckeon might be available!
boz says:
might be? that's like saying the pope might be catholic
Belle says:
well don't tell anyone, but i did hear the pope might be methodist
Belle says:
maybe nancy will be busy filming tony pierce's movie
Belle says:
or wil wheaton's
boz says:
my dinner with boz starring a lifetime movie of the week starring nancy mckeon and liam neeson
boz says:
samuel l. jackson?
boz says:
fred savage?
Belle says:
C. Thomas Howell!!
Belle says:
if he's alive
boz says:
I saw fred savage in a movie tonight
Belle says:
my parents were watching that stupid movie, Mooseport on Christmas night, and he's in that
boz says:
yeah, that's it
Belle says:
my dad kept saying "there's your bud, fred savage!"
Belle says:
and insisting i had a crush on him when i was younger
boz says:
hahahaha
Belle says:
i so didn't
boz says:
yeah, it was his brother that you had a crush on
Belle says:
no, i told him it was paul
boz says:
wasn't he killed in vietnam?
boz says:
or woodstock?
Belle says:
no, that was winnie's brother
boz says:
oh yeah, back when winnie still wore glasses
Belle says:
before she had her britney spears/lindsay lohan growth spurt
boz says:
she didn't spurt in the same places they did, only her face got bigger
Belle says:
hahaha
Belle says:
well that was pre-plastic surgery
boz says:
not that I know who britney spears or lindsey lohan are
boz says:
you know what they should do?
boz says:
They should make a male version of Facts of Life
Belle says:
with mrs. garrett? or a male?
Belle says:
maybe mr. belvedere could do it
boz says:
I think it should be a mr garrett
Belle says:
if you think about it
Belle says:
they could all keep the same names, they are unisex
Belle says:
jo
Belle says:
blair
Belle says:
tootie
Belle says:
natalie
Belle says:
hahahaha
boz says:
and ed-na
boz says:
they called her nat
Belle says:
well there you go
Belle says:
i think this is a winner
Belle says:
you should pitch this to the network
boz says:
or nambla
Belle says:
i'll be your partner since i came up with the name idea
Belle says:
nat DID have a weird relationship with that little boy
Belle says:
put your power suit on
Belle says:
we're going to hollywood!!!
boz says:
my favorite episode was where tootie didn't become a hooker
Belle says:
wasn't that every episode?
Belle says:
she did have a bastard child in the reunion
boz says:
it was jermaine jackson's wasn't it?
Belle says:
levar burton's!
boz says:
a mute bastard child, how tragic
Belle says:
quality programming though
boz says:
I can see Lifetime, WE and Oxygen battling it out for the rights
Belle says:
there is a fortune to be made here
boz says:
I've already forgot our premise.
Belle says:
ok, you work on that, i'm going to get coffee and search for the new face of Tootie
boz says:
fine!!!
Belle says:
i'll check back in with you!!!
Belle says:
don't start with the self mutilation again

Belle says:
not that anyone reads this
boz says:
they will eventually,
boz says:
it will be the feel good book of the summer
Belle says:
ok please edit the remark about her breasts then
boz says:
ok
Belle says:
i don't want to piss anyone off
boz says:
I'll change breasts to something else
Belle says:
noooo
Belle says:
change everything to something else
boz says:
fine!
Belle says:
her name, boobies, the book, change it all
boz says:
I'm leaving the part about nancy mckeon having my babies in though!!!
Belle says:
i must have missed that part... sure, boz, sure
boz says:
oh wait, that was last night's dream
Belle says:
i'm glad you started having hetero dreams
boz says:
go get you coffee and find the new Tootie!
Belle says:
ok, later
boz says:
later

5 Comments:

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